Monday, July 19, 2010


There are a long list of strange and creepy things one has to deal with in the real world.  "Twilight" Vampire/teen angst movies,  Jobs,  Greg LeMond,  Boulder,  Daywalkers......

To that list, I want to add the latest and most dangerous new hazard to life and liberty.  A vile presence that is stalking the multi-use paths of the world.  Waiting to unleash their wrath upon the unsuspecting passers-by.   A force so evil as to make the hardest man among us cringe in fear.  What,  you ask is this unspeakable new horror?  it is.....

The Phonewalker

Yes,  the newest hazard to a quiet and no stress ride to work.  Trolling for victims day & night.  The clueless squid waking aimlessly down the path,  babbling incoherently into their phone.  "I'm going for a walk,  what are you doing?".  "It's so nice out here,  how is it where you are?".  "Why yes,  I did poison my husband last night.  I was tired of him asking me to get off the phone...".

It's not enough to dodge the kids,  the side by side old folks,  the "Ear-Budded" runners on the wrong side,  and the spider-web of leashes from the people walking 3-4 dogs at a time.  No.  NOW it's The Phonewalker.

So engrossed in whatever drivel that needs to be chatted up,  they don't hear you coming,  ringing bells,  yelling at them.  No.  Then they jump off the path like a frightened rabbit,  surprised someone might want to pass them.  THEN they give you the dirty look.....  You know the one.  The one that says "Why did you scare me like that... Can't you see I'm on the Phone?"

They are out there.  They will scowl at you.  Be afraid,  be VERY afraid.

1 comment:

  1. Kind of trying to deflect the reality that you are in fact, a mottled skin, carrot top, mfing ginger. Sure, phone walkers are just a half step higher on the food chain than zombies, but you are still a ginger.