Stranger than Fiction

Back when the Euro Trolls from the UCI bat cave decided that a 34mm cyclocross tire was so vastly superior to a 32mm cyclocross tire that it would turn a 3rd rate old-guy Cat 4 like me into a Tim Johnson-killing-uber-cross racing machine,  tell me you did not think " Really?   What are they going to do, sit on the line and measure tires with a caliper?"

Well,  From Sunday's New Belgium Cup UCI Women's elite race,  I give you the call-up pen scene.

UCI official on far left,  with call up list
UCI official on far right,  guarding the gate to the grid
Current National Champion & overall bad-ass KFC in the middle left

And to her right,  the UCI commissar & chief official.
Note the direction of his very serious gaze.  Front tire maybe?

What's that in his hand?

Yep.  It's a set of calipers.  Surely set to 33.000mm

They were actually running a caliper over each front (and sometimes BOTH) tires as each rider was called up.  Big Brother is here.  Even had one of the local back of the pack kind of women told that the 32 Dugast on her bike "were a bit tight",  but let her race anyway.   Generous.

I guess cross is now really part of big time cycling.  Are millimeter-wave body scanners and full pat-downs next?   All over 2mm  (2 mm for gods sake....) of tire width?  Really?  2 Millimeters people.

Then the bat-cave wanna-bees at USA Cycling,  after telling everyone in August that anyone over 17 will need a less than 33mm tire to race Nationals,  sparking a massive sell off in 32 mm tires as lots of people grumbled away in their basements stripping & re-gluing to smaller tires,  suddenly changed their minds.   Now it's just elite,  Jr. 17-18,  and U23 that need to get their tires "caliped" at the races.   So nice of them to help with their stated intent of "The intent was to reduce the amount of equipment that many riders feel they must bring in order to be competitive."


Got any 34's laying around?  As for us local,  wanna-be nothings?  I don't know about you,  but I'll be out Sunday at Cyclo-X with my "monster meat" Flexus 34s.  Good luck keeping up with those babies.